So, 2020.
I’m writing this post in the basement apartment of my father-in-law’s house. We have essentially been living here since the middle of August and while it now feels like a second home it still seems completely surreal.
How do you even start after the year that has been? We thought that 2019 was chaotic: in a matter of months we finalized our adoption homestead update and were matched with a little girl with CFC (Cardiofaciocutaneous Syndrome – try saying that 3 times fast) that we instantly fell head over heels in love with. She came home at the end of June, we spent 2 weeks in July at our annual camp, suddenly had to drive to Prince Edward Island for a family funeral and spent a few weeks on the East Coast. We got home just in time for the school year to start and then had to head back out to New Brunswick for a second family funeral (it was not a good year for losing wonderful family members) in October. Things finally began to settle down and then the longest March Break in history began. But not before we were approached by our social worker about adding a third child to our family – a beautiful 6 week old baby boy with Down Syndrome! So in the span of 8 months we went from a family of 3 to a family of 5 and then the entire world spun out of control.
But it all started with Pippa, our newest daughter. I can’t even begin to explain how much laughter she has brought to our lives – her smile is infectious, she is filled with genuine kindness and she bubbles over with love and affection. I’m sure there will be posts to come about the impact she has had on all of us but for now, I can only tell you that even in the face of past trauma and huge transitions, she has a resilience that I have never witnessed before. The changes and growth we have seen in her over the last year have amazed every single person who knows her. When she came home to us she was only drinking Pediasure as her meals, she only had a handful of words that she would use somewhat consistently and her gait and balance were unpredictable at best and she was mostly using a stroller when out on adventures. Now we wouldn’t recognize her: she eats everything she can and loves to try new things, she loves to be outside walking and running and while she still trips and stumbles she just picks herself back up and then speeds off again. Her words are coming fast and furious and she thinks that she is so very funny. She has simply blossomed into this ball of energy and every single day with her is an adventure.
And then Dex – our little COVID surprise! Jess and I continually say that his arrival was a gift from the universe. He literally came home on the day that I had to return to work from my parental leave with Pippa and it was absolute torture being away from him. Less than 2 weeks later, COVID surged and my job moved to working from home but we were still so stressed out about the risk the virus posed to our family. We are well versed with Lily’s cardiac history and how risky any cold/flu is for her, but both Pippa and Dex also came to us with their own congenital heart defects (Pippa has Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy and Pulmonary Valve Stenosis and Dex has a Ventricular Septal Defect and Patent Ductus Arteriosis). When the news started reporting that cardiac patients had a much higher risk of death from COVID we knew that we had to isolate as much as possible to minimize the risk for all of us – we became the family that introduced Dex to my mother through a window.
There was talk about my job being redirected to help in shelters and long-term care homes and that’s when we realized what a gift the timing of Dex’s placement was – I only had to work a minimum number of hours before I could apply for a new parental leave with him. Originally Jess and I had planned that I would work until a certain point in the year before starting my leave but we quickly reworked that and I started as soon as I possibly could. And while COVID has been a nightmare in so many ways, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little grateful that I have been lucky enough to be at home with my family.
And that brings us back here, posting at 3am in my father-in-law’s apartment. We didn’t send the girls back to school in September because the risk for complications if they got the virus is still as scary as it was when this first started. After being able to be outdoors and a little more free over the summer, we couldn’t imagine going back to isolating in our little house for months on end and that’s when Jess’s dad offered us this amazing gift: we could come and stay with him. He lives out of the city, right on the water with a backyard that is open and huge and perfect for kids to run around. And by not being in the city we haven’t felt as anxious about our every movement: we feel safe grocery shopping and have been able to start some new (but still socially distant and safe) adventures. It was a transition to move back in with a parent but my father-in-law has been a huge support and I honestly don’t know how we survived the first half of the pandemic without him. We’ve settled into a new normal and while we miss our regular life and our friends and family desperately, we know how privileged we are to have so much right now.
Like everyone else, we have no idea what’s around the corner. We don’t know if a vaccine roll-out will mean that we can head back into the city and let the girls finish the school year with their friends or if we’ll continue to be a small-town family for the foreseeable future. This year has taught everyone that we can’t take anything for granted – it can all literally change overnight. So, we will take it as it comes and keep trying to find the silver lining and hopefully be able to to look back at this time with a little nostalgia about what we keep calling the lost year of 2020.